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Never Forget This November 3, 2012

Filed under: A mi alrededor — juzburself @ 4:54 pm
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To my beloved sisters,

I reached home around 11pm last night, i saw her small figure  covered with a blanket. I went and kissed her. 15 minutes later, she was awake. She told me she saw my cat, i did not know how she sensed this. Anyway, that very night i saw how skinny she was. I felt ache in my heart to see her fragile body. But she was a strong lady. I helped her to the toilet, changed her diaper and recite a du’a for her and again i gave her a goodnight kiss.

This morning, after she had her breakfast she was walking around the house and talked about  “things”. I was wondering what was on her mind actually? What did she want? Was she in pain? Was she afraid of something? I dunno.
But what i know, i’m feeling pain seeing her like that.

But sisters, m glad that she’s here with us. We’ll try to do the best possible to make her happy yah. InsyaAllah.

And just too share with you sisters, i found this to be a guideline for us. InsyaAllah.

Why Should I Care for my Aging Parents?

By: Umm Abd Al-Rahman

Taken from: http://www.islamunveiled.org

Ooof!  This seems to be a common response among the sons and daughters of their aging mother or father or both in today’s world.  The Homes for the Aged and Convalescent Hospitals are the common drop-off for today’s aged.   AGING PARENTS ARE CONSIDERED A NUISANCE AND INCONVENIENCE IN TODAY’S “FAST PACED, IMPATIENT, “ME FIRST” ERA.  THE TRUTH IS, WE WILL SOON BE THOSE WHO ARE WEAK AND DEPENDANT NEEDING ASSISTANCE AND COMPANIONSHIP FROM OUR CHILDREN.  How am I treating my aged mother?  How will my children treat me when I become old, God willing? Would I like to stay in the comfort of my home or my son or daughter’s home or in the constricted walls of an old age home?

Alhamdulilah, we have been given clear instructions on how to care for our parents from He who created us.  Our parents are held in high esteem right after being told to worship God Most High alone.

“Worship none but Allah and be good to parents”.  (Quran: 2:83)

We are explicitly told to be thankful to our parents for all they have done for us.

“And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents.  His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years.  Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.”  (Q. 31:14)


Aliah Schleiffer wrote in her book, “Motherhood in Islam”:

“When parents reach the period of old age, this is the time which offers the Muslim the greatest opportunity to fulfil one’s obligations to them, and thus hope to gain Allah’s pleasure.  Muslims are counselled to keep in mind the fact that their elderly parents were devoted to them when they were in need of care as a child, while at the same time, to remember that they are parents, not children, with all the rights and privileges due to them as such.”

We have more specific instructions concerning those who took care of us in our time of need.

“And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him and to parents, good treatment.  Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as] “Ooof!” and do not repel them but speak to them graciously.  And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, “My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.” (Q. 17:23-24)


            “And dutiful toward his parents, and he was not arrogant, rebellious.” 

                                                                                                                       (Q. 19:14)


Mrs. Schleiffer continues to write:

“At-Tabari emphasizes that due to the words “your Lord has decreed” this is a command from Allah to show kindness to parents, to do good to them and to respect them.  He says the meaning is not to grumble (mutter a complaint) about something that you see in one of them, or both, a  kind of muttering that people are hurt by, but rather, to be patient with them in anticipation of (spiritual) reward, as they were patient with you when you were young.

Al-Qurtubi says that reverence and goodness to parents is that you do not insult or blaspheme them because this is, without argument, one of the major sins. Al-Qurtubi refers to the following Hadith: The Prophet (pbuh) said,

“Indeed, abuse of a man’s parents is one of the major sins.  They said:  O Messenger of Allah, does a man abuse his parents?  He said: Yes.  The man insults the father of (another) man, so the (other) man insults the first one’s father and he insults the other one’s mother and vice-versa.”(Muslim)

And, “Allah cursed whoever cursed his parents!”  (Muslim)

Regarding the saying, “Ooof!” which can so easily come out of our mouth when we are feeling overwhelmed, stressed and vexed, the Prophet (pbuh) said,

“The major sins are associating anything with Allah and rudeness to parents and killing anyone and swearing a false oath purposefully.”  (Al-Bukhari)

“Verily, Allah forbade for you rudeness (disobedience) to mothers.”  (Al-Bukhari)


            “He who ends the day and his parents are satisfied with him and begins the day thus, ends and begins the day, and to him two doors to Paradise are opened; and if it is one parent, then one door.  And he who ends and begins the day and is the object of odiousness to his parents, he ends and begins the day and to him, two doors to the Fire are opened and if it is one parent, then one door.  Then a man said:  O Messenger of Allah, and if they have mistreated (oppressed) him?  He said, “And (even) if they have mistreated him and even if they have mistreated him and even if they have mistreated him.” (Al-Qurtubi)

“The satisfaction of the Lord is (in) the satisfaction of the parents and the displeasure of the Lord is (in) the displeasure of the parents.”  (Al-Qurtubi)

The Prophet (pbuh) said, “Safeguard the love for your parents.  Do not cut it off or your light will be extinguished by Allah.”  (Al-Bukhari)

Abdullah Ibn Mas’ud asked the Prophet:  “Which deed was the preferred one?”  He said:  “Prayer at its proper time”.  Then he asked:  Which is next?  He said, “Kindness and respect to parents.”…

When we are kind to our parents, showing respect and patience to them, courteous, compassionate and tender giving them our companionship with no harsh or objectionable remarks we are rewarded with Paradise and are considered a mujahid (one striving in the cause of Allah).

The Prophet (pbuh) said, “Are your parents alive?” (addressing one he excused from jihad).  He said, “Yes”.  He said, “Striving in serving them is your jihad”.  (Al-Bukhari)

A man came to the messenger and said, “I longed to go to jihad but was not able to.  He said, “Is either one of your parents still alive?  The man said, “My mother’.  He said, “Allah has instructed us in devotion to her, so if you do thus, you are as one who has made the hajj, the ‘umrah and participated in jihad.”  (At-Tabarani)

The mother has a very high status in Islam.  A man came to Allah’s Prophet (may the peace and prayers of Allah be upon him) and  said, “O Apostle of Allah!  Who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?”  The Prophet said, “Your mother.”  The man said, “Then who?”  The Prophet said, “Your mother.”  The man said again, “Then who?”  The Prophet said, “Your mother.”  Then he asked again, “Then who?”  The Prophet said, “Your father.”  (Al-Bukhari)

Muslim scholars say the reason for giving the mother preference over the father or other relative is her exhausting efforts for the sake of her child, her compassion, her service, the great difficulty of pregnancy, delivery, nursing and rearing of the child, her service and care for the child when it is sick, etc.  The mother is the strongest member of the family in kindness and devotedness.

A man came to the Prophet (pbuh) and said, “I committed a great sin.  Is there anything I can do to repent?  He said, “Do you have a mother?  The man said, “No.”  He said, “Do you have a maternal aunt?”    The man said, “Yes.”  He said, “Then be kind and devoted to her.”  (At-Tirmidhi)

Taking good care of one’s mother can only bring blessing and goodness to the son or daughter.

Everytime ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him) saw the reinforcements from Yemen, he asked them, “Is Uways ibn ‘Amir among you?” until he found Uways.  He asked him, “Are you Uways ibn ‘Amir?”  Uways said, “Yes.”  Umar asked, “Are you from the clan of Murad in the tribe of Qaran?  Uways said, “Yes.”  Umar asked, “Did you have leprosy, then you were cured of it except for an area the size of a dirham?  Uways said, “Yes.”  Umar said, “I heard the Messenger of Allah (may the peace and prayers of Allah be upon him) say:  ‘There will come to you with the reinforcements from Yemen a man called Uways ibn ‘Amir of the clan of Murad from the tribe of Qaran.  He had leprosy but has been cured of it except for a spot the size of a dirham.  He has a mother and he has always treated her with kindness and respect.  If he prays to Allah Most High, Allah Most High will fulfill his wish.  If you can ask him to pray for forgiveness for you, then do so.’  So ask  Allah Most High to forgive me.” Uways asked Allah Most High to forgive him, then ‘Umar asked him, “Where are you going?”  Uways said, “To Kufah.”  ‘Umar said, “Shall I write a letter of recommendation for you to the governor there?  Uways said, “I prefer to be anonymous among the people.”  (Muslim)


A man from Bani Sallamah came and he said:  O Messenger of Allah (pbuh) is there any remaining chance to show devotion to my parents after they have died?  He said: Yes, pray for them and ask forgiveness for them, fulfill their contracts after them and keep up family relations that they used to maintain and respect their friends.”  (Abu Dawud)

Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas:  “Whoever performs the pilgrimage for his parents or terminates a debt for them, Allah sends him forth with the righteous on the Day of Ascension.”  (At-Tabarani)

Do we remember when we were weak, helpless and needy, incapable of doing things for ourselves?  Who took care of us?  Who stayed awake at night for our sake?  Who struggled to provide food, clothing and shelter for us while we were growing up?  Who supports us with their prayers?  Our parents served us unconditionally when we were small and weak…How will we treat them when they become old and weak?  Abu Umamah narrated:  “They are your Paradise and your Hell-Fire” (the parents)   Ibn Majah

I am instructed to be kind and respectful to my parents in all circumstances whether they are kind and respectful to me. I spare no effort to make them happy, check on them and offer my services whenever they are in need.  I visit them often and greet them always with a cheerful smile, a loving heart and words of kindness.  When they pass on I can still show respect to them by praying for them, giving charity on their behalf and paying off whatever debts they may owe to Allah Most High or to other people.

“Our Lord!  Forgive me and my parents and the believers on the Day of Reckoning”   (Q. 14:41)


“My Lord! Arouse me to be thankful for Thy favor wherewith Thou hast favored me and my parents.” (Q. 71:28)

Dearest sisters, never ever forget about this. Never ever forget our responsibility to our parents.Without them we will never exist in this world. Remember, we will become old one day, and our children, nephews and nieces will be the witness on how we treat our parents. No matter how much money you have you can’t pay to have a parents. May we stick together and do our responsibility and May Allah Bless Us.